Three Fingers Deep

Written By - Tessa Cash

Once you were mountain air
You were fresh running river water 
You were my fireplace, my polar fleece.
 I want to say to you
All the things
Like how I was holding on
Utterly heart broken 
Because you completely disappeared.
I clung to some muster of hope
Because you said over and over
That I was the one 
That you’d never leave me
That I was safe to tether myself to you
 Despite knowing that if I did 
And you had lied 
I’d fall apart.
 We seemed relatively simple despite the complication that enshrouded us 
And when I finally came around to trusting you
A puff of smoke blew you away.
Now the complexities have smoothed out
The simplified version of the truth
That you lied not only to just me but even to yourself .
My brokenness has levitated and spins
Like some controlled wizardry in angry, abrupt patterns.
How could you shut me out…
When we discussed the shape of love
You said you would show me every part of yourself
You said you’d let me see you glowing from an effervescent white knight to a ratchet red demon in amidst burning flames.
When I’d call out in the darkness that you had passed on
All I’d hear was echoey rebounds of my own desperate voice. 

I’m mad but I still love you
*i loved you*

Reveal yourself or release me 
Because currently I’m hanging three fingers deep from a slippery ridge
Not knowing whether to swing my left arm up
Or let my fingers loose…