I love you. I’ve loved you in all the lifetimes I’ve lived. I’ve waited a long time for you and at times, it’s been excruciating. I’ve tried to make the life my soul wants happen with all of my serious past partners. I’m sorry about that. I guess my Sag nature got impatient and overly optimistic about how easy it would be to find you. I had to move countries twice and I think I’ll even have to move again. Domestically but still. This lil mama hates moving. It’s the worst life activity by far in which to subject one’s self to.
I love you. I’m going to say that a lot, just so you know. There’ll be lots of kisses, most probably at very random times. I have this big well of joy inside of me that bubbles up without notice. It procures kisses and very deep sentiments and if I don’t act on them, my higher self gets really upset with me. I want you to know how precious you are. How much I’ll love and respect and honour you. How I’ll need you teach me to be patient and measured and not to freak the fuck out if and when I ever go into labour with any babies we might have together.
I’ll need you to be able to carry me. My childhood friend Kimberly said her non negotiable was that her future partner must be able to physically carry her. I think it was because her parents had just converted to Christianity and had thrown all the liquor in their house in the bin. The whole, ‘virgin bride over the threshold fantasy’ thing. I’m really so far flung from virgin status, (I do love extra virgin olive oil though; I have this roasted vegetable sugo pasta recipe that we can cook together), and I’m pretty opposed to most scenarios that involve virgin brides, but PFD, I’m going to need you to be able to carry my depth. My mind is as deep as the ocean. My heart is as big as Joshua Tree. My desires are as strong as the Santa Ana winds. I need someone who’s going to be able to go to those depths and widths with me. Who mirrors my need for a very sacred, spiritual bond. I’m going to need you to be able to hold my past and the trauma that has taken place. I need to feel safe and understood in this world. I know you’ve got me.
I feel like you’re going to be a BFG, PFD. I know you’ll be tall and effervescently beautiful, spinning from that deep well interior through to your magnanimous exterior. I know you’ll be a creative genius and oh-so-good with your hands. Can I just say how much I love your hands? You’ll be viscerally authentic and funny yet grounded and earthy and musky and serious and fiercely loyal. You’ll be stoic and earth shatteringly intelligent with a silent yet sparkling glimmer in your eye.
You’re an enigmatic figment of my imagination currently, but that life, the life I can see in my mind’s eye, a life of collaborating on every level and traveling the earth together and sharing ideas and having the most tender, yet electric sex this side of the universe has ever seen; that’s the life I’ve transversed time and space to be here for, and that’s for you and me baby.
By the way, no pressure to have kids. My moonchild arrives next week and she’ll keep me plenty occupied for quite some time. I can’t wait for her to meet you.
I love you like the moon loves the cool dark of night. I’ve loved you and will love you for a very long time.
“You’re my heart and my home. I’ll breathe a little deeper when I’m next to you.”