Fuck the Madonna/Whore Complex

Written By - Tessa Cash

Religion taught me that you have to sacrifice yourself to save others, to heal others, and that perfection equals superiority. What other way to set up a person to fail that aspiring to be perfect in order to save and heal and go to heaven than the fact that perfection is impossible to achieve? Slight side note but let’s not even delve into the fact that these two deities are represented in masculine form, also teaching us that god is male, which possibly could be interpreted as masculinity being superior. Oh, don’t forget the femme representation of women perceived as being either a Madonna or a whore. Talk about perpetuating slut and virgin culture.

Considering all this, no wonder we constantly feel like we need things or to be a certain way to feel satisfied.

We don’t need anything besides acceptance. How can we find acceptance if we are so busy judging everyone including ourselves and setting up all these communities that exclude and print “not good enough, thin enough, heterosexual, aesthetic, talented, feminine masculine, rich, enough to be included.”

Not to mention the fact that religion touts you need to submit to a deity that also judges and tells you you can’t do it alone and that you can’t come to heaven unless you follow x-y-z. Okay…but I’m a banana. So I have to morph into a pear to be acceptable and included? Oh. Okay. So I’ll try to be a pear and now I’m depressed as fuck because I’m really a banana and I’m not my true self. I have essentially abandoned myself at this point. Lost in religion. In groups, in clubs. Trying desperately to fit in but losing ourselves in the process.

A year ago after an experience that shook me to my core, I wrote down everything I wanted for my life. It wasn’t what I expected to want. But these words came to my heart.

Peace, love, acceptance, understanding, knowledge, wisdom and patience.

I also wrote down what I’d learned from that horrific experience.

You can’t fix people. They have to find their own way. And that is their path. How they become better people. The people they are supposed to be. If you help then too much, they won’t reach their full potential. But just be there. Let them know they aren’t alone.

Love as unconditionally as you possibly can. Give people first, second, third chances. But protect yourself. Don’t allow someone to use you. But don’t put up walls so high that you can’t feel their pain or yours. Be empathetic. Be sympathetic.

Don’t judge anyone. You don’t know what it is like to be them. People who do something once might do it again. They might not. They might rise to a higher vibration from learning from their mistakes.

Give when you can. Be shrewd. But don’t be afraid to receive also. Don’t be expectant but do fight for justice and equality and your right to be loved.

Look after your body. Look after your mind. They are your true home. If they are okay, you will be too. Be your own best friend and you will never be alone.

I also wrote this.

My only hope is to constantly and consistently reach for higher love and understanding. To apologise when I do wrong, to be accountable for my actions, to be humble and forgive and to love whenever I can. I will fail over and over again. I will not get out of this life alive, for no one does. I look forward to returning to where I belong when I die; to unconditional love. Which cannot exist here in this imperfect world that is tainted by pain and suffering. For we get but moments, glimpses, short seconds of what this joy and love feels like. Imagine being full to the brim of this feeling, for eternity. Forever more.

So I will spend my life seeking this love. Which isn’t found anywhere they tell you to look.

If we are beautiful in our imperfection and belong to ourselves and constantly seek out truth, humility, kindness, forgiveness and healing we might just find the answer to existence isn’t this great unknown after all.

I know I’ll get lost again. I’ll fight for love and pine for things I’ve lost. I’ll feel empty and lonely and like a failure. Angels on earth who love me and know me will appear at my side to keep me company while I find my way back to myself again. I’m not perfect but I’m grateful.

I dug down to the depths of my soul
Scrambling, searching every inch
Every nook
Every fibre of my being
For this thing
This concept
This unconditional love
Only to find
With hypocrisy
And pain
And blood
dripping from my very fingers
That it cannot exist here on this earth.